


To Lose You is My Worst Fear

by Capurnia



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: I'm in denial and Naboo went differently, M/M, Qui-Gon Lives
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-08
Updated: 2016-07-08
Packaged: 2018-07-22 06:00:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7422679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Capurnia/pseuds/Capurnia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Naboo went a different way, Obi's thoughts while his master fights for his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Lose You is My Worst Fear

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Poplitealqueen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Poplitealqueen/gifts).



> Just a short drabble I wrote in honor of Pop's name day.

I look down at the figure resting motionless in a sterilized environment of white; the racket from the machines keeping your heart rate is starting to haunt my dreams. They say everything is physically healed from when that vile horned creature pierced your chest. However, true to your form you baffle them as to why you still sleep. I call him Sith, the council, in their infinite wisdom hold judgement. You would have been proud of me when your oh so proper Padawan stood in front and defied them. Much of your master we see in you. Need this you do not, they said. However, I did get them to see reason and they have agreed to allow Anakin to train in the creche for now. I speak to you, my master, my Qui-Gon, often, as the healers tell me it can help. They say that when in a coma patients can still hear the words of the ones they love. 

They cloned your organs that were pierced and dumped in you bacta for almost a week. I guarded the tank as you floated like dead weight, no not dead, that is a not a word I’m comfortable with as of yet. You were suspended in the life giving liquid, with not an ounce of life to be seen. I miss seeing your smile, hearing your laugh, I even miss the way you made us tea. Now when I go back to our quarters, I have no one to lecture me on the proper way to steep tea. I never imagined I would miss that so. 

The walls of our home are so cold without you there. I guess that’s because without you, it isn’t home. At night, I’m forced to go back to our quarters. They are worried that I’m not taking care of myself and they are probably right, but why should I when my life is still tethered to yours. I try to eat something, just to appease Master Windu and Master Yoda; they are following me around like I’ll crack at any moment. After forcing myself to eat, I crawl into your bed. It’s the only way I can sleep at all. I pull the large pillow into my chest, taking a deep breath to catch your scent. I then let my emotions finally go. It’s not the way the council would endorse. I do not discharge my fears and sadness to the force; I release them by allowing the tears to cleanse my soul. You once taught me not to fear my emotions, and in this I feel that I’m honoring you. I seldom remember actually falling asleep, but I typically wake up a few hours later screaming in agony as I relive that painful moment behind the shields of red again and again. When that happens, I quickly give up the idea of sleep and redress for the day. 

I spend the day by your side, reading from some of your favorite poetry. I even managed to slip in some dirty limericks when the healing staff isn’t around, something tells me they wouldn’t approve. Once my voice is hoarse and needs a rest, I will grab a brush and gently comb your silvery bronze threads of hair. I’ve done this since I was just a boy and I promise I will never tire of it. It soothes me as much as it did…No, It soothes me as much as it does you. I will not think in the past. I will not let go, my master. 

I can’t let you go, Qui-Gon. I haven’t had the chance to tell you I love you. Not just the silly crush I had when I was fourteen, but the unconditional love of one person to another. I had thought to tell you today, on my twenty-fifth name day when I truly reached my planets majority, but it seems that fate has stepped in to make me wait. 

I have heard rumors of my knighting from friends and council members, but I don’t think I can accept it. I do not think I earned it. We are supposed to face a great trial, our greatest fear. I didn’t overcome my greatest fear, my master. “To lose you is my worst fear.” I lay my head against your chest, still hearing the beeping of the machines. 

“My worst fear is be lost without you.” My head shoots up at the soft whispered phrase and I see the tears dancing in your eyes. I lean over and softly stroke your cheek just the way you did that day and press my lips ever so tenderly to yours. Nothing in my life has tasted as sweet as your lips. I can taste the tears that are streaming down our face as we greet each other once again. “I love you my master.” I let my forehead rest to yours, just breathing in relief. “I love you as well. Happy Name day my beloved.” I can now place my fear back on a shelf in the back of my mind. I will not lose you today, someday perhaps, but not in this moment.


End file.
